In Praise Of Long Trousers (As promised):

If you’ve studied dress history

It’s somewhat of a mystery

When trousers were thought,

Whether long or quite short,

To be the best way

For men’s legs to display.

But thus it became,

Most chaps looked the same,

And then ladies too

Thought, “Ah, that’ll do!”

And followed the trend,

Though initially condemned.

It became de rigueur,

For him and for her

Trousers short and long

(And for the brave a small thong)

To be worn with panache

At all kinds of bash.

Then when the cold came,

Though considered a shame,

They put away their stained shorts

And turned their backs on such thoughts

As barbies, beer and laughter

With hangovers thereafter.

But winter would go,

Taking rain, hail and snow,

And spring creeps to summer

Making all folks less glummer! 

And minds turn to shorts

And sunny resorts,

Forgetting for chaps

That trousers perhaps,

Are best worn by us

Because there’s no fuss

When we go for a piss,

Even though we might miss.

For in shorts we may suffer

And look a complete duffer.

‘Cause trousers, you see,

Will soak up the wee

But shorts show legs splattered

Our street cred all tattered.

Unless we are stern

And from ladies learn

To sit on the bog,

Like an old crouching frog,

And wee as we sit

Same as having a sh – poo.

So, long trousers be praised

For concealing the sprayed

As they come back to the bar

Smelling slightly bizarre,

Sneering aloofly at those

With their wet legs exposed.