The Kindly Snow – A Love Story:

The snow fell soft against his cheek like a butterfly’s kisses,

Whispering winters chill.  It was getting deeper now, his legs

Heavier as he pushed forward, assisted by a keen but kindly

Wind at his back.  His mind went back to the Summer of 69,

Better by far than Brian Adam’s song.  They were lying on

The grass together in the Bot Gardens beside a sign which,

Now covered with his jacket, entreated them to keep off it.

A butterfly alighted upon her nose and her eyes opened very

Slowly, and crossed as she tried to see what the interloper

Was.  When it flew off he stroked her cheek, kissed her and

Told her he loved her.  She laughed gently, touching his lips

Most tenderly, calling him to silence.  No complications.

…………………………………………………………………...

When she went away he nearly went mad.  He ached for her,

Shaking, his heart pounding, bereft, grieving but knowing she

Was alive.  His longing took him to dark places, a foul pit he

Had not known existed.  Their phone calls lasted for hours

And made him miss her even more.  She was a voice he needed

To hold.  She had a mind which made his fly to places where

He hadn’t known there were places.  They had brought each

Other to new music, writers and artists.   Long into the night

They had talked of politics, people, philosophy, God and the

World as they would wish it to be, and then fallen into bed 

Exhausted, too tired to make love, but their bodies would touch

And magic would stir them yet again, and they would fly!

…………………………………………………………………... 

He remembered the first time he had seen her naked.  When

She pulled her jumper over her head and he saw her breasts

He forgot to breathe.  Wryly he wondered what it was that

So got guys going about breasts.  Was it the ultimate Oedipus 

Complex or some atavistic knowledge that they would be good

For feeding the growing tribe, the seed of his loins?  Inwardly

He laughed softly and felt still the echo of the awe.  He had 

Never tired of that sight, even as the years rolled swiftly by,

Never tired of the little snuffling noises she made when she

Was asleep.  He had told her somewhere in her family tree she

Had hedgehog!  But then he’d lie, his body against hers, and 

Stroke her gently until she sleepily reached for him and they

Made love again, and afterwards drifted off, alternately sweat 

Chilling, and too hot to hold each other, too much in love not to.

…………………………………………………………………

His mind wandered then to the airport where he had stood with

A sign with ‘Snuffles’ written on it, waiting for her to deplane,

Waiting to hold her again after her long absence, and the shock

Of seeing her!  Surely she could not be so beautiful, so poised

And yet so vulnerable, her eyes darting everywhere and then 

Landing on him and a smile lighting her face and clutching his 

Heart as she ran forward into his arms, crushing the silly sign,

And he held her, he remembered, held her and never wanted

To let go, ever, and he resolved then and there, he never would.

…………………………………………………………………...

Their wedding came then to mind, just the two of them and

Their neighbours as witnesses.  Had it been possible they 

Wouldn’t even have had those; they only wanted each other.

And he smiled at the memory of their conversations about 

Getting married and their eventual agreement, in a very adult

Manner, that it made sense, legally, if anything should happen

To one of them, and then admitting after the event that it had

All been bullshit, and they’d married because their love had

Told them to do so, and that might not be the thing for other

People, but for whatever reason, it was for them.  And then 

There had been the kids and his need to step back from being

Number one in her scheme of things but number two, then

Three and finally four, and he hadn’t minded, for watching

Her love of them, their so very personal creations and solid

Outcomes of their love, had often left him totally enthralled.

…………………………………………………………………...

And then darkness fell on him as he remembered the decline. 

It had all seemed peaceful and full of good intent at first, just 

Folk quite reasonably calling for recognition of their right to 

Choose their faith, but the savage backlash from those he had 

Always thought better of meant he had found himself defending 

Those who  were being oppressed.  As it had all continued he 

Found his own people turning against him, reckoning him to be 

A quisling.  After the second attack on the house he had asked 

Her to go and stay with one of their now adult children who 

Lived in far off Canada, or her Aunt’s friends in the Lebanon, 

Untroubled by the internecine strife that was now taking place

Around them, increasingly vicious and bloody.  His mind made 

Comparisons with the way it must have been in Germany when 

Hitler’s dark perversion seduced the people similarly.  His heart 

Had come near to breaking when increasingly he saw his folk 

Choose to ignore the gross injustice of their position. So it was 

That her refusal to leave to a place of safety, even as the threats 

Grew, had placed a deep sense of foreboding deep inside him. 

……………………………………………………………….......

They had, he recalled, been walking hand in hand round the lake

Where they had so often taken their dogs.  The trees reflected on

The water, shimmering slightly in a southern breeze.  They had

Stopped to watch a seagull showing off to his flock which lay 

Calmly upon the face of the water, and as he stooped down to 

Pick a dandelion to put in her hair the shot had rung out, a harsh 

Crack juxtaposed with bird song, and for a moment it was silent,

And outside of time, and then she was falling towards the water 

And the dogs were barking wildly.   He remembered the flurry

As the seagulls had reached for the air, wheeling and calling as 

He stepped into the lake and put his arms under her and lifted

Her out.  He knew straightway she was dead, a neat hole near

Her temple on one side and a large hole, blood and grey matter 

On the other, and he remembered he had howled, roared and 

Screamed his loss and anger.  Then he’d looked up, astonished.

…………………………………………………………………...

The man was grey haired, gone to fat, wearing fatigues and had

A rifle held loosely in his hand which he noticed absently had a 

Telescopic site on it.  He somehow didn’t connect the man with 

What had happened for a second and then saw the smirk on his

Porcine face and from somewhere far away heard a voice tell 

How he’d fumbled the shot when he’d suddenly knelt down but 

Seeing the bitch lying there dead was okay with him.  As he 

Then brought the gun forward he had gone berserk, grabbing 

The barrel, hearing another crack of sound and head-butting

The killer, kicking him, gouging at his eyes, sobbing with wild 

Rage, and eventually taking the gun from the now battered and 

Bloody bastard and using it as a club, swinging it to catch him 

Under the jaw which made an audible sound as the man fell 

Back, sprawling on the ground beside her, beside his love, by 

His dead true love, and as he half noticed the ululating of the 

Approaching siren he swung it down again and again and again.

…………………………………………………………………...

Life had been on automatic thereafter.  Friends and family at 

First secretly and then to his face expressed their concern at his 

‘Keeping it all in’.  He had listened politely and nodded both his 

Understanding and appreciation for their concern. Later he had

Stood and watched her casket slide through the little doors to be 

Consumed in the flame, and for a moment his love and loss

Were near to surfacing, but he thought of that large hole and the 

Blood and grey matter and shrugged.  She most surely wasn’t in 

That box.  After the whole charade was over he went round and 

Listened to well-meaning platitudes and thanked people for their 

Kind words and for coming and then wished them all farewell.

…………………………………………………………………...

He had let the dust settle and then visited each of his children in 

Turn, leaving the dogs with he who loved them most and had 

The land, and the cats with he who they loved most and obeyed 

Them!  He then made an appointment with a house clearance 

Company, got them to liaise with the estate agent and as that all 

Progressed he attended an appointment with his solicitor, an old

Friend of many years, told him his plans and got the paperwork 

All signed and cleared tidily out of the way.  Leaving there he 

Made the way to the airport and took a flight, first class, to the 

Lebanon where after a short limousine ride he booked in to his 

Favourite hotel in Beirut, the Radisson Blu Martinez, and was 

Taken to the suite which they had always used when they had 

Holidayed here, their favourite destination.  From their balcony 

On the eighth floor they had had an excellent view of the clear 

Mediterranean, and the city centre was but a short ride away.

Having settled in he organised a limo to take him to the Abe 

Naim restaurant.  He noticed the latest renovation work at the 

Piccadilly Theatre across the road had completed their refurb.  

They had enjoyed many an evening there.  He turned, leaving 

The heat, and sat in solitary silence, ordering a mezza and eating 

All their favourite foods, tasting none of them and thinking of 

Her, his darling, his true and only love, his reason for living. ……………………………………………………………….......

Remarkably he had slept well.  It could have been something to 

Do with the Remy he had sat sipping until the wee small hours.  

For the first time, he had wept.  Not great gulping sobs which 

Part of him felt he owed himself, but soft, cheek-stroking tears 

That were full of pieces of his shattered heart.  He remembered 

When they had been apart, his grieving and their phone calls.  It 

Made him smile as he recalled his later call with the phone 

Company, challenging his $3,000 bill.  In the end they accepted, 

Going on his previous bills, it must be an error and he hadn’t 

Had to pay.  When he told her, she threw her arms around his 

Neck, told him he was a genius and kissed him, a kiss which led 

On from one thing to another and they’d set off to their bedroom 

But ended up making love on the stairs.  God, he loved her so 

Much, and that fat, stupid bastard had snuffed out her glorious 

Bright, flaring flame in an instant!  His grip tightened on the 

Glass and it shattered in his hand.  He threw the remnant at the 

Wall, wrapped a towel round his hand to stop the blood, took a 

Swig from the bottle and then went to the bedroom and slept.

…………………………………………………………………..

He had enjoyed breakfast, and gone off to visit the Jeita Grotto.  

It was less than 20 klicks from the hotel and they had never 

Tired of visiting it.  He then returned, booked out and picked up 

The hire car he’d arranged.  He threw his bag in the back, then 

Whacked the a/c up and set off through the chaos that was the 

Traffic in Beirut.  Normally she had driven here; she drove like 

A demon, banging on the wheel, holding down the horn, making 

Most unladylike gestures and generally loving playing chicken 

With startled locals.  Uncaring, he did his best to emulate her, 

For Auld Lang Syne.  Eventually he got out of town and a little 

Over an hour later arrived in the vicinity of Faraya.  They had 

Visited her ageing Aunt here for many years and though they 

Didn’t ski, enjoyed the area most in December when there was 

Plenty of snow.  This year there was even more than usual.

…………………………………………………………………...

He parked the car up a little track and sat looking at the icing 

Sugar covered trees.  Unzipping his bag he took out a bottle of 

Remy and a crystal glass which she had given him many years 

Ago.  He had never told her that the crystal was too thick for a 

Good brandy glass.  He filled it deliberately, put the cork back 

In the bottle and drank a toast to her.  As he drank he saw her 

Face, her dancing eyes, the soft curve of her lips as she smiled.  

He listened to her laughter, her snuffling and the music of her 

Voice caressing once more his heart.  He didn’t mind the tears, 

Thinking wryly how he’d always been appalled at the idea of 

Cognac and water, and slowly, there was no need to hurry, he

Let all that was her consume his mind.  When he finished the 

Bottle he put the cork back, placed it tidily in his bag and with

The key in the ignition, he got out and walked off up the track.

…………………………………………………………………...

The snow got thicker, each step becoming more of an effort.

He no longer felt the cold and the deep, scratching pain, and 

Was starting to lose feeling in much of his extremities.  He had 

Always found it difficult not to judge harshly people who took 

Their own lives.  He didn’t think of his action as suicide but 

Accepting that people could, he had made everything as tidy as 

Possible and hopefully left the situation in sufficient doubt that 

It might equally be assumed he had just taken a walk whilst 

Drunk, got lost and … the rest was history!  On that thought he 

Stopped and sat down.  He wasn’t committing suicide, he was 

Doing that which was logical.  Life without her was not a life he 

Was prepared to accept, and in his belief system he had every 

Hope that this way he’d see them reunited.  He smiled a little 

Ruefully.  It was a bit of a gamble!  Still, he was tired, and it 

Seemed to him that the best thing to do was lie down and sleep.

…………………………………………………………………...

He felt something gently touch his lips and slowly he opened his 

Eyes.  It was her!  Her smile burst over him, a waterfall of love, 

Colour and light.  She held out her hand to help him up and his 

Heart reassembled itself and filled him with an overwhelming 

Joy.  He rose easily to his feet and somehow was in her arms 

Again, like at the airport so long ago, and once more he vowed 

He would not lose her again.  He stepped back and told her she 

Was even more inviting than a bottle of 1988 Bollinger.  And he 

Stood, then, staring at her, falling into the love in her eyes, and 

Tears rolled once more down his cheeks, but this time there was 

No restraint and the sobbing he owed himself happened, and he 

Was gulping for air, telling her what it had been like when he 

Saw her lying there, her beautiful, wonderful and endlessly 

Fascinating brain oozing out into the water, and the fat, sneering 

Clown who he’d killed and given serious thought to destroying 

His entire family, and he was in her arms again, and she was S

troking the back of his head gently, telling him everything was 

Alright, and as his gasping sobs slowed down and he put all that 

Pain where it belonged, behind him, he realised that it would be, 

Gloriously, wonderfully, eternally, and she had a whole new 

lain of existence to show him.  She took his head in her hands, 

Kissed his eyes tenderly, like a butterfly, took his hand and, her 

Eyes dancing, asked him softly when it was he’d last made love.

……………………………………………………………….

Fin