A Short Story:

Sebastian woke slowly and did a mental condition check.  He felt like death!  Cautiously he opened his eyes, accustoming them to the bright light of day, feeling a little like a vampire must at such moments.  Briefly, as he mused, he felt genuine sympathy for them.

He took in his surroundings with slowly dawning trepidation.  He was in her spare room.  He thought back to the night before.  Oh God, the row!  That was his weekend royally screwed!  He might as well go back to his flat and watch daytime TV.  It would be less painful than staying here with a ‘disappointed’ Gloria!

Tentatively he stuck a leg out to touch the floor.  He felt a little colder than usual but not bad.  He realised then what he hadn’t even noticed last night; the bed had no covers on it.  No wonder he was cold.  What sort of state had he been in?  Gently nursing his body against any possible pain he swung out, carefully stood and looked for his heap of clothes which usually in these situations he relied on gravity to take care of.  There was no such heap.  Sod it!

With growing trepidation he padded slowly to the ‘victim’s’ bedroom which he found, to his relief, was vacant of Gloria who had obviously carried her burden of martyrdom downstairs.  In the absence of his clothes being in sight there, he went to her bathroom.  The light wouldn’t work.  He shrugged and sat on the throne for his daily constitutional.  No joy!  It was going to be one of those weekends.

Gloomily he realised that he was going to have to bite the bullet and face her, even if only to find out what she had done with his clothes.  He hoped it wasn’t the bin!  Reluctantly he went downstairs and automatically made for the kitchen where they both tended to sit.  There was Gloria and, unusually, she had her head in her hands and was sobbing quietly. Jesus, what had he said and done? 

Sebastian tried to recall the evening before, but after they’d eaten at the little Lebanese restaurant just down the road and had a couple or so at The Crown, things started to get hazy.  He remembered they’d opened another bottle and then started talking about him not liking her mother but after that he could remember nothing apart from collapsing on her spare room bed.  Bugger, bugger, bugger!  She really loved her mother.  What had he been thinking of?

He spoke her name and for a moment she took her head out of her hands and looked up vacantly with panda eyes and mascara running down her cheeks.  He realised with a jolt that he must have upset her for real this time.  She always took off her makeup before she went to sleep, no matter what time they got to bed or in what state.  He was in deep, deep shit!

He was about to ask about his clothes when she dropped her head into her hands once more and continued sobbing.  Wondering what tactic he should adopt, if not to comfort her then at least to get his clothes back, he stalled for time and wandered over to the kettle to make a coffee for them both.  It wouldn’t work.  Bugger.  Come on God, he thought, give me a break!

He stood still for a moment and then his brain engaged.  Fuse box.  He remembered it was near to the front door.  He turned from the kettle and walked into the corridor where, to his initial surprise, he found a middle-aged man down by the box, examining some electronic tablet he was carrying. 

Being naked, Sebastian rapidly considered his options.  There was little point in playing coy so he’d better just get on with it.  This was obviously an electrician.  Gloria, it appeared, was not as upset as she appeared to be if she had had the presence of mind to call one in.  Maybe she would forgive him.

The man looked up at him.  Sebastian admired his aplomb.  He obviously wasn’t in the slightest bit thrown by a naked man walking in on his life.  Indeed he seemed to be expecting him.  He guessed Gloria had mentioned him.  The man nodded, as if to confirm his thought, glanced down at his tablet once more and then said, “Right, here you are.  Everything is alright.”

Sebastian nodded in turn and smiled. “That’s great.  Thanks very much, you’re a hero.  I’m dying for a cup of coffee.  Can I get you one also, before you go?”

The man shook his head, frowning slightly.  “No, no thank you.  I don’t have time.”  He glanced at his tablet. “I have another appointment quite some way from here in an hour.  Please come with me.”  He turned and opened the door into Gloria’s sitting room and walked through.  Puzzled and somewhat wary, feeling suddenly vulnerable in his naked state, Sebastian slowly followed.

As he approached the door he heard the electrician grumbling to himself.  “More modern, they said.  More comfortable, they said.  It’ll be easier to see all around you without the cowl, they said.  You won’t have to carry that heavy scythe, they said.  And now here we are, nobody knows who I am!  It only causes confusion and unhappiness.  Still, ‘They’ know best of course!”

Sebastian suddenly realised that wherever he was he wasn’t in Gloria’s sitting room!  The man turned and looked at him, his skull like head tilted slightly to one side. “Ah, I see the penny has dropped!”

Sebastian appreciated, randomly, that unclothed he was obviously going to have difficulty paying the Ferryman’s fee.  He hadn’t even got any of his overloaded plastic.  Still, it looked like that was the least of his worries at the moment!

The man spoke to him again. “Come on Sebastian, everything’s okay.  I’m taking you to Saint … sorry … taking you to Pete, as he likes to be known in these oh so ‘modern’ times. He’ll brief you and take you on an orientation tour.  There are also several folk who are eager to see you again.  Oh yes, and by the way, you have your clothes back now.”

Sebastian looked down, finding himself fully dressed, and smiled.  ‘Pete’, the man had said. Okay, no need for a fee for the Ferryman then.  Relief!  Now he realised, also, why poor Gloria was so upset.  It was quite touching. She was so sensitive and soft, for all her funny ways.  She really must love him. He was glad he’d taken out the life insurance for her.  He was going to miss her.  He picked up his pace and walked beside Death up a golden staircase.  “So, tell me, please, do you know what happened to me?  Heart attack?” 

Remembering the new, ‘modern’ rule that you had to be ‘straight’ with the ‘client’, Death glanced across at him.  “Oh no, much more simple and straightforward.  She stabbed you as you slept, straight through your heart.  As a pro I’ve got to say, it was a really neat job.  You didn’t even have time to wake up.  You have great taste Sebastian.  That Gloria is some woman, but what a temper!  She’s always sorry afterwards but still manages to keep me quite busy.”