Cri de cœur
I can’t write.
I can’t find the words.
I have things to say,
Perhaps too many things,
But when I try to work
I sit in my study,
With thousands of
Successfully authored,
Beautifully completed books
Sitting jauntily on the shelves,
Quietly but surely sneering
Their considerable contempt,
And I stare at the screen,
Stare at the words,
Words hanging in the air,
Characters, friends, enemies
Waiting to be acknowledged,
Losing their patience,
Fierce in their will to live
Their wild lives and squalid deaths,
Their wondrous joys, love and laughter,
Sorrows, pain and loss of hope;
All jostle for position,
All demand – shout! - to be continued,
And I, the so-called mastermind,
I sit and do nothing.
A fat and full manuscript sits
On a revolving bookcase,
Close by my side,
Above reference books,
Dictionaries, thesauri,
Tools of the trade,
And it lays heavy on my heart
Because I want to retype it,
Edit and enjoy its story once more,
Spend time with my friends in there,
Watch, share their dances through life,
But on the screen is another;
This needs to be completed,
Around forty thousand words is all –
I can normally achieve at least
Two thousand a day –
And there are friends there too,
But they have such complex needs,
Wearying me at the moment,
After many, many adventures,
Sharing triumphs and disasters,
Through somewhere in the region of
Three hundred thousand words
And a multitude of worlds.
But I have to write.
Every day which passes
Without words falling onto the page,
Without the excitement of
Different worlds, different folk,
Different times, different thinking;
Days without magic,
And ignoring Einstein,
Because he was wrong,
And dancing through space time,
Sliding along the event horizons
Of vast, slathering black holes,
Hearing the song of the stars,
And reaching out to touch
The exquisite face of God/ess;
Every day without this
Is not a day I have grasped.
I haven’t lived up to that
Which I see on my wall
Immediately I wake;
Carpe diem!
It is seconds, minutes and hours
Which like the finest of sands
Have trickled through my fingers,
To disappear, diluted to nothing,
Their mediocrity lost in the vast, night-chill
Of the indifferent desert sands of time,
And I am a day nearer to death,
And though that adventure
Excites me gloriously,
I have words to say,
Work to finish,
Large projects and small
Clamouring for attention,
Some like meteors flying by,
Bright, fast, ephemeral,
Poems, sagas, taxing tales,
And some the mighty gas giants,
Vast, inscrutable, incredibly complex,
Novels, a trilogy, lengthy tomes.
So here I sit at my writing-station
In the large sitting room,
As far from my study as I can get
And remain in beloved Kerlanguet.
Squeaker will not sit with me here
But has a nest on my desk
Where she curls up and dreams
Of the starship she captains,
And the mighty battle being fought
Along the edge of the Sirius System
While I, her most humble servant,
Sit and batter the keyboard,
Often my words pouring out
Far too fast for my clumsy fingers,
Crashing totally the spell checker,
All to be later corrected and reviewed.
I sit here now, alone, hiding from
Myself, my mind, my self-discipline,
My imagination, my yearning,
My friends and foes,
All of whom wander still
Around my searching consciousness,
Each with their own inimitable style,
Overstated, understated, sly and canny,
Good, evil, hypocrites and bullies,
Martyrs and vagrants, prophets and fools,
And I try to ignore them all,
But it is like sitting in a room
With a thousand old telephones,
All of which are ringing and I know
That each phone has the right to be answered,
Each phone is a call from one of my creations,
And I have a responsibility to each,
These my fictitious made real children,
And I sit like a rabbit,
Caught in the headlights
Of an oncoming juggernaut
And pick up none of the jangling receivers,
Just feel their cacophony scratch my soul.
I can’t write - but I must!
My Poetry and Writing
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Monday 22 July 2019
Wednesday 17 July 2019
God, Reincarnation and the Nature of Reality
Hello! I need to talk to
somebody to get my thoughts a bit more organised and I’m afraid you’re it! You
know when you’re in bed and gently dozing, just at the edge of sleep and you feel snug, maybe like a young
Peter Rabbit curled up by his Mum, deep in the soil, safe and warm, just
vaguely remembering how nice the lettuce leaf was that you nicked from Farmer
McGregor’s garden? You got that? Okay, that’s where I was at, last night. Just
having a bit of salad cream on the lettuce and drifting off when I thought of
God.
Now don’t stop here! I don’t
mean God with all the angels singing praises and all that. Even as a child when
I first ‘saw’ him I realised he’d have got bored with that yonks ago. No, I
mean some kind of ‘Mystery’. Now, that’s not actually where I started, exactly,
but it was all jumbled together which is why I have to write about it to you,
you poor sod, because that’s the only way I can untangle the mental ball of
string which is my jumble from when I should have been just drifting off with the
taste of salad cream in my mouth.
My thoughts really, vaguely
went to next lives. I don’t mean like Hindu’s believe in them, I mean
reincarnation as another human being, or at least sentient entity with
equivalence. If you want me to tell you why I am 100% certain about
reincarnation, feel free to ask, but at the moment, please see it as a ‘given’.
When I was younger and knew everything there is to know about just about
everything, I had a pretty solid view about God, the ‘afterlife’ and stuff – I
was actually close to being ordained as a C of E priest - but as I grew older
it all grew fuzzier. Sadly that doesn’t seem to happen to all folk; they just
get even more certain that they know everything and are always right.
Anyway, when I learned, after
huge amounts of study and research that reincarnation is a ‘given’ I thought
that was pretty exciting but really didn’t take it any further, other than to
be pleased that I’d found there was almost always a gap between one incarnation
and the next and reckoned that the inbetweeny time would be a good chance to
catch up with all my family and friends who are dead before we all take up our
next life. Are you with me so far? I hope so – at least I am!
So, proceeding from there,
last night I wondered how many times one would do this? Would one reincarnate
forever? Now, I don’t know about you but I find ‘forever’ and ‘eternity’ pretty
hard to get my head round. The ‘God’ idea is tricky as well. It happens, with
this latter, the ‘God’ thingy, I’ve had a few sort of ‘near death’ experiences
but they’re not like the ones where you’re out of your body looking down etc.
What I did know, especially for an extended period when I was pretty wrecked,
is that a kind of Love with a capital L looked after me. Again, if you’re interested,
let me know, but for now, at least, follow my kind of ‘logic’ and see this
Loving Mystery as another ‘given’.
Okay, I accept there’s a
Loving Mystery and really I know bugger all else about it. I take from my
experience, however, that in the end, really the end, s/he / it will be there
for me and for everybody else – especially you I’m sure, dear reader! I think
s/he / it does occasionally intervene in people’s lives when they’re busy
living them, but generally speaking doesn’t – a sort of extreme hands-off
parent (parent is the wrong word but hopefully you get my drift) who lets us
live through our incarnations mostly on our own, to get on with it and learn or
experience whatever it is that one is fortunate enough to each time around.
That’s about as far as I’ve
got with understanding what is going on other than, for another day if you
wish, I think consciousness is not biological, or to be more precise most
certainly isn’t all biological, and that through quantum entanglement what
consciousness is is infinitely more complex than is assumed.
Now, let’s go back to my
salad cream on the lettuce moment which I was denied. Though I accept that
understanding the Love Mystery, reincarnation, consciousness, eternity and
forever (one special and one temporal, but accepting Einstein’s ‘space/time
concept) is not going to happen, because I am but a microbe trying to
understand a human mind, I did wonder last night what the point of it all was;
you know, all the incarnations and stuff? I accept that it’s some kind of
learning experience – almost certainly – but wonder if one goes on learning
forever. If that’s the case, though I absolutely love learning I can see that
within the somewhat frightening context of ‘forever’ perhaps one might end up
getting just a tad pissed off with it.
So - stick with me please! -
I wondered if, a bit like Hindus believe, eventually one’s atman /soul
/consciousness becomes one with the Loving Mystery, or Brahman as they see it,
we actually do do something somewhat like this? (Hinduism, if one cuts through
quite a lot of, shall we say, rather eccentric concepts seems to me to touch on
a lot of stuff that makes sense. It’s just that like most major faiths, in my
opinion, where somehow people and especially priesthoods have inadvertently done
their best to obscure any ‘truths’ that actually are true! Hindus have had a
longer time than most of the others to do this!)
Anyway, Hindus reckon Brahman
is eternal, unchanging, a ‘resplendent consciousness’. I most certainly don’t!
This was another feature of not rocking off to sleep as early as one might have
wished. I ended up thinking that, okay, maybe after loads of incarnations, if
for no other reason than to avoid the thought of eventual eternal boredom,
one’s ‘consciousness could became part of the Loving Mystery, the
super-consciousness that is in charge of, and understands, the whole kit and
caboodle.
Maybe one gets recycled
through that super consciousness and then has another swing round. I don’t
know. What I do know is that I then made the mistake of trying to understand
the ‘purpose’ of the super consciousness that is the Loving Mystery. What was I
thinking! Microbe can’t sleep because of wondering what the purpose of a human
being is! Daft, I know, but one has to wonder – actually one doesn’t have to
and probably shouldn’t – and I did. You see, I most certainly don’t believe
whatever s/he /it is, it is unchanging. I think any form of consciousness
learns, to a greater or lesser degree (the latter being creatures like amoeba
and Trump) and therefore the super consciousness must learn, really, really
bigly, as Trump might say. (The spell check doesn’t pick up on ‘bigly’ for
crying out loud!) Thoughts like does s/he /it get lonely came to mind? How does
this Mystery cope with the whole eternity and forever business?
I realised at this point that
possibly I was getting a little out of my depth! Long ago I accepted that
though we operate in a world which for us has 4 dimensions, or 3 if we accept
space/time as 1, but where even we have considered, in for instance string
theory, anything from 10 to 22 dimensions, that the Loving Mystery will
certainly function in many, many more, and that the world as we perceive and
live in it is similar to that of an ant crawling around in an extremely limited
‘reality’.
Now, you’ll be glad to know
that in the end I did get to sleep, somewhat frustrated at having not managed
to unravel things any further than I had, but a little contented that I had
given my own consciousness something to mull over, as I am, with you, at this
moment.
None of this, of course,
precludes ideas like space ‘men’ / entities which came down and interfered with
primate humanoid DNA to help create this line of human that we belong to, or
that there may have been previous civilisations on this planet or others. After
all, the Universe was created around 13.7 billion years ago, the Earth is
around 4.5 billion years old and humans have only been here doing their best to
turn the whole place to shit for in the region of 200 thousand years. Something
else it doesn’t preclude is humanity wiping itself out, a natural extinction
event or humans being superseded by artificial intelligences – would they be
our ‘children’, and if they continued to exist doesn’t humanity?
Of course this information
begs various other questions; what was there before the ‘Big Bang’ 13.7 million
years ago? Does the Universe / Creation expand and contract and ‘Big Bang’
again eternally? How is it that if our consciousness as we perceive it is so
important it took nearly 4.5 billion years for it to happen here on Earth? Will
AIs who are self-aware, fully conscious beings reincarnate? (My guess is yes.)
If we, humanity are totally wiped out and we aren’t reincarnating into
artificial intelligences on Earth, would family and friends all reincarnate on
the same alien planet?
Some might ask does it also
all happen on different planets with other conscious species? (I think that’s a
no-brainer, yes, so we could have been incarnated anywhere in all of space as
any form of conscious at our level creature. No need to be parochial about it!)
Do creatures with ‘lower’ consciousness like dogs, cats – slugs – reincarnate?
(I can’t see why not, but it’s a bit hard to get ones’ head round.) Do we
become / are we partially already disembodied consciousnesses?
Within this vague framework,
mostly held up by questions rather than facts, there must also be room to
consider things like telepathy (there’s no doubt something often passes between
twins no matter how far apart, just like with entangled quantum particles for
example.) prophecy perhaps based on seeing into similar parallel universes with
the clearer ones being higher probability (Or is time like an eternally wide
vinyl record and you can jump from one ‘groove’ across to other, close and similar
‘grooves’? This might enable time travel, I suppose.) and the place of
instinct, déjà vu (and déjà poo!) telekinesis, spontaneous combustion and all
sorts of mysterious and magical (Is there real ‘magic’?) things which are real
(Define reality) and perhaps close to being comprehensible, at least in some
cases.
Overall, it’s all really
rather complicated, don’t you know! Of course, it would be, is meant to be or
what would we have to learn? Having jogged along with this bit of exploration,
however, though I think things are a little clearer, it in some ways has
reinforced just exactly how little I actually know; indeed, just exactly how
ignorant I am. I am not despondent, however, at the enormity of the task which
my consciousness faces, learning-wise. I am confident in the ultimate and
eternal benevolence of the Loving Mystery, assured at least that there will be
many other lives ahead for me to learn more and, let’s be honest, pretty
impressed by the ‘smarts’ of the super consciousness that has put this whole,
magnificent, ever changing puzzle together.
So, let’s you and I take joy
in our situations, whether they be bad or good, for ultimately we’re cared for
and if we screw it all up this time, when we croak we’ll see all our friends
and family, pets also, I reckon, probably feel a bit embarrassed about what a
cock up we made of it and then resolve to have another go, learn more, do
better, slowly, slowly climb up the metaphoric Jacob’s Ladder, with each step
finding further dimensions, greater enlightenment. For now though, I think I’ll
make sure I have a large – possibly very large! – bourbon tonight to send me on
my way and tomorrow I’ll wake up, look at the picture on my bedroom wall which
states in large letters the unequivocal message, ‘Carpe diem’ and get on with
the great adventure. Can’t do better than that! Here’s hoping after wading
through all this with me, dear reader, you do the same.
Sunday 7 July 2019
Patrol
Christ, he was cold!
The wind was biting and
A drop of the ever-present rain
Joined others which had evaded his
collar
And slid smoothly down his back
Undeterred by his goose-bumps.
He grinned slightly, acknowledging
That both the rain and situation
Were firmly at his doorstep,
And raised his cap to cover
The bottom part of his face
And took another deep drag of,
If his counting served him right,
His eleventh Marlborough
Since he’d got out of his pit.
Shite for somebody committed
To knocking the weed on the head!
He took another wee drag,
Reluctantly nipped it out
And put his cap back on firmly.
Better the burn marks inside it
Than a bullet through the head,
So Serg had told him
And he knew stuff!
He glanced across the road for Tom
Saw him tight by a tree,
His faithful friend
Held against his chest.
They called him ‘Ever Ready’
And he was a good man,
Older and wiser by far than he was,
His mate and mentor, good also
To have with you on patrol.
Fleetingly the wavering wind
Brought an unexpected joy,
Though most unanticipated
Before full dawn; a Pig.
He saw Tom tense –
He’d caught it too.
The sound became louder,
More certain, and then there it was,
Stopped in front of them,
The Sarg waving them in.
He looked around swiftly
And then just beat Tom to it
As he threw himself past Serg
And crashed his weary arse
On a welcome bench,
Tom sliding in opposite.
The Pig picked up speed,
Probably doing a dizzy
Thirty five miles an hour!
Serg yelled they had intel,
‘Death Squad’ arms dump.
Regulars and Army called
But they were nearest,
And movement had been seen.
He thought about it.
The Pig wasn’t going to
Creep up nice and quietly.
It was old, slow, noisy,
Had shite armour
And no Bren turret.
It kept him dry,
And that was about it,
And actually he’d prefer
If given a choice,
Which he wasn’t,
To be under the wet tree,
Waiting for a deep blue Corsair
Which might or might not
Come their way.
He hoped Serg had a plan!
Tom sat bolt upright, asleep.
Judas, it would be good
To be able to do that.
Serg followed his gaze
Grinned - Every Ready
Was just as good at waking up -
And then reached into his pack
And brought out five
Completely non-reg,
Black and deep purple balaclavas,
Poked Tom and passed him one,
Shoved two forward into a waiting hand
And then passed him his.
He pulled it on
And careful to not hit Serg
Unslung his rifle.
Apparently there was a plan.
He and Tom nodded, ready
And the Pig stopped,
Engine running, lights on
But empty as they bailed,
Ran off the road through a copse,
And doing so cut the corner.
In seconds they were looking
Down at two cars, lights off
Shadowy figures just visible
In the drizzle and dawning light.
Their attention was towards the Pig,
Sitting just round the corner.
Serg was not a great one for regs.
He signed the two from up front,
Old mates Charlie and Paulie,
To prepare for their run,
Then he put a shot
Into the engine of the first car
And one after that,
Rolling back as
The runners took off in the darkness
To the little copse opposite
Whilst he a Tom gave cover
And then spread wide.
The cars were boot to boot,
A transfer taking place,
And he knew the one that was
Pointing to the Pig
Had less cards to play
Than the one facing up the road
And away from the action.
Obviously somebody in the car,
Was thinking the same
And it started, lurched forward,
Stalled, and he and Tom
Aimed vaguely at the bonnet,
A couple of rounds each.
Two down, eight to go.
Apparently it was enough,
As the driver tried to restart
And failed, and it occurred to him
What a fool he was
Because he must know
That whoever it was
Knew exactly where he was,
And could most easily kill him.
He briefly considered it.
It could be an accident,
But decided not to risk the Serg’
wrath.
As the group below –
He’d counted seven –
Cowered behind the cars,
Uncertain as to where the fire came
from,
He waited for the two on the other
side
To open up, cause confusion.
This they did,
Keeping their fire on the cars doors,
Making their position more obvious,
And he watched as the desired effect
Followed and the bastards
Rolled to the other side.
When they got there he and Tom
Put a couple of rounds each
Into their side of the cars,
Four down, six to go.
He slid the bolt slowly,
Chambering the next round,
Thankful for the thin oil
He put on every night
He was on duty, and
Watched to see what
Was going to happen next.
There were too many to arrest,
And too heavily armed,
But Serg reckoned if they
Kept them pinned down
It should give time for the Regulars.
It was not to be.
These people were bastards,
But other than that one thick driver
They were disciplined;
And so it was that a couple of Stens
Opened up to either side,
And as they put their heads down
Those by the cars broke for cover.
When they put their heads up again
They saw figures running
In every direction.
He could have, but he didn’t.
And as he prepared for Serg
To issue whatever next
He suddenly rolled
As a heli came over the rise
And the world was full of noise
And light, as the shites
Filled the dawning-washed dark
With flares, and he was blinded
For a long, fucking dangerous moment,
And so should the fleeing shites be,
But Tom, Ever Ready,
Must have closed his eyes
When he heard the heli,
Knowing what it would do,
And opened them slowly
So he could view the scene,
And he rolled and grabbed
Serg’ Sten and stood,
Firing high above the fleeing trash,
Fully illuminated by more flares
From the bastards in the heli,
And most fell to the ground,
But one must have done the same
As Tom; Tom his mate, his mentor;
Tom who always did the right thing.
And he knew, by Christ he knew
As his vision returned
That this was going fucking wrong,
And he watched as Tom danced
And seemed to hang in the air a moment
Like a levitating bear before he fell,
And he saw the guy with the Browning,
Or whatever it was,
And he could have again
And he tried,
But he couldn’t
Because he missed –
Five down, five to go –
And he flew back the bolt
And chambered another round
As he rolled to Tom,
Poor, Ever Ready but not this time,
Tom.
And he wanted to scream,
Because he knew he was dead,
And then the fucking, bastard heli
Dropped down and fired more flares
And the madness continued
And the Serg lost it, totally,
And leapt up, weaving,
Spraying his recovered Sten,
Running to the bastard who fell back,
And when the Serg paused,
Like his sanity returned,
And he watched this play out
As something appeared in the air from
nowhere
And Serg dived, but too late;
And suddenly the dawn grey lit up,
And both cars, the Serg, the bastard,
Suddenly they were lost in a ball of
fire,
And he screamed, turned
And raised his rifle towards the
fucking heli
And it was abruptly knocked aside
By Charlie, Bonny Charlie,
Who lay across him and
Shouted he needed to wise up,
And as he tried to sink into the
ground
Charlie let go, slowly
And rolled up by Paulie
And surveyed the view.
He slowed his breathing,
Checked his rifle,
Forced himself not to look at Tom,
And crawled up by Charlie and Paul,
Studying the wreckage on the road,
Hearing the odd shot here and there
And multiple Pigs coming towards them.
He shouted to himself in his head,
Forcing everything from his mind
Other than getting his head in gear.
He scanned the mess on the road,
Ready to cover the guys dropping from
the heli,
It all being too late and too light,
And wondered how long these kids
lasted?
Randomly as he did his damndest to
stay on task,
He remember how he’d watched the poor
sods
Doing foot patrol in the city
And their NCOs constantly trying to
Get them to think 3D and look up,
Up where the snipers looked down;
Innocents abroad, or some such.
And then as they got the all clear
He wondered about Sall, Tom’s wife.
What was he going to say to her?
Who was going to tell the Serg’
partner?
He looked over at Tom as he lay there
And walking over, puzzled.
For a moment he wondered
If he was going mad,
If this was some fucking nightmare?
There was usually loads of blood,
Loads of fucking, squirting blood,
And in this half-light he saw none.
A medic came over, a kid like him,
Just a lot more innocent,
Less fucked in his head, he thought,
And whimsically he hoped he stayed
that way,
And he took his arm and asked if he
was okay.
And queried if this was an oppo or
some such,
And he didn’t want to talk,
Couldn’t quite get his head straight –
Tom and the Serg, for fucks sake!
And all because of their sodding
flares –
So he said no, first time out
together,
And Charlie heard him and grabbed his
arm
As Paulie took Tom’s balaclava off,
Then removed his, and he stared at
Tom’s face,
And some of it was missing,
And he wanted to boak,
But pulled himself together,
And with Paul and Charlie,
Went back to their Pig,
And there they sat in silence
Waiting for some superior bloody
officer
To give them orders,
And set their debrief time
Down at their station,
And he wondered if
He’d tell him to fuck off,
And ask his wank heli mob
What had happened instead?
He didn’t really think much
For the rest of the op,
Just Charlie upping and driving them
back,
Some bullshit mil officer
Who spoke like he’d got a turd
Stuck half way down his throat,
Requiring his report
And him telling it like it was,
Including the stupid fucking flares,
And the turd-throat mainlander
Didn’t seem to like what he said
And he didn’t give a fuck,
And then he got into his old wagon
And drove back to the city,
And he kept rehearsing
What he’d say to Sall,
And the trip took forever,
But ended way too soon
As he pulled up by his house,
And then his mate Muz
Coming off duty
Drove him round to Tom and Sall’s.
As the front door opened to his knocking,
Sall was there with the twins,
Ready for school,
And she saw his face, and she knew,
And somehow she held it together –
Women are amazing like that, he
thought –
And she called down her Ma,
Told her to take the kids on,
And the old lady knew too,
But she was her daughters Ma
And nodded, silent, white,
And shooed the kids out,
And he went with Sall to the kitchen,
And she started making a cup of tea,
A cup of fucking tea, for Christ’s
sake,
And nothing was said until she
Put a cup down in front of him,
Just as he liked it,
And looked at him,
Stirring her own mug,
And he noticed randomly
That she was spilling it,
And it didn’t matter.
And everything
He thought he would say
Flew out of his head
To fuck knows where,
And he leaned forward,
Took her hands
And told her it was quick …
Just a few seconds of dancing …
Hell, it was instant!
And she took her hands away,
And she started to rock,
And he felt like doing the same,
And he told her everything,
Everything except the dancing,
And a bit of his face missing,
No need for that.
He told her what a
Fucked-up mission it had been
And she stared silently into his soul
As he spoke, words falling from him,
Rocking, and then she stopped,
Stood up and suddenly howled,
A howl like he’d never heard before,
And cleared the table with her arm,
Tea and crockery going everywhere,
And then started pulling
Everything off the surfaces
And was going for the shelves
When he got himself together
And grabbed her, and held her
As she tried to scratch him,
Pulled at his hair, kicked him,
And then suddenly slumped
And started sobbing,
Her whole body shaking,
Gasping for breath,
And he started crying too,
And a distant part of him
Wondered how his joining in
Was going to help Sall?
And then he knew it was okay,
But it wasn’t,
And Tom was dead;
Dead because of the fucking flares,
Dead, he had now worked out,
Because he hadn’t thought it through,
Because if he’d known there would be
flares,
He should have known there would be
others,
And the stupid, lovely sod had left
them all,
Left them, in a cold, damaged world,
And Sall and the twins wouldn’t even
See him again, lying in his box,
Because part of him was
Somewhere in ‘Bandit Country’,
And slowly his sobbing stopped
And most thought left him,
And he and Sall clung to each other
Lost in shared agony,
A dark lashing sea of pain,
Wishing they’d be lucky and drown.
Thus it was, he knew not for how long,
And as she slowly subsided,
And was all sobbed out,
He looked over her shoulder
And saw her Ma standing there,
Silent, tears freely rolling down her
cheeks
And he slowly disentangled Sall
And gave her to her Ma.
He walked slowly to the door
And found Muz standing there
Quietly waiting,
And they said nothing
As Muz put him in car,
Drove him home,
Forced some whiskey
Gently into his hand,
And listened to him ramble,
Saying little, topping-up often,
And at last he persuaded him
To take to his pit,
And despite everything he slept,
Slept the deep, dreamless sleep of the
drained,
And woke with afternoon sunlight
Shining through his window,
And Pluff sitting by his bed,
And suddenly he remembered,
And Pluff saw it and nodded,
Thumping the floor as he did so,
And Muz and Charlie came in
And they all just sat in silence
Until he got himself together,
Pulled on some clothes,
Checked his rifle,
Clicked out the mag,
Topped it up automatically,
Returned it, eased the bolt a little,
Smooth and silent,
Put it down under his bed
And looked at his friends.
With no discussion
They all stood
And walked into the fading day,
Listening out for any gunshots
Bombings or sounds of trouble,
Off to whatever life handed out next,
But in all probability the Bot,
Or the Regency,
Or both.
Life goes on!
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