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Monday, 11 March 2019


Well, there you go. I’m 68 years old.  Absolutely marvelous!  I feel so incredibly lucky.  I was born in the wealthy part of the world with a cracking medical system.  I was also born middle class and thoroughly enjoyed going at the age of 10 to be a boarder at a public school; a minor public school but, in retrospect, with more than a few years of experience in the education ‘business’, a rather quiet little gem!  I learned much there, academically and in many other areas like sport, riding, astronomy (Worked a bit with Patrick Moore who liked the nylon bearings on our dome (I shan’t speak ill of the dead!)), in the CCF and Air Section stuff about weaponry, a bit of flying, table tennis, hand ball (Loved that) music, oddly with a Chemistry master, piano, cornet – Lord, loads of things, and marvelous friendships, plus the ability to survive solo! 

Another element was that we all learned that we were privileged, were lucky, and those things came with responsibility, which for many of us meant a duty to serve.  Many went to Sandhurst, especially if my memory does not play me false, boys from South Africa and Rhodesia, as it used to be.  Some, of course, went into the family business, some the police, a few, like me, deciding to, and accepted for the priesthood, but thank God/ess I ended up in teaching.  Oddly, the very same thing had happened with my father.  Anyway, like many I went to Uni and have ended up with qualifications from three. I attended two of those universities full time, and Lordy I had fun, have loved my job teaching and was able to achieve headship at an early enough age to enjoy the deep privilege of 5 of them. 

Now here’s a thing that isn’t fair, I have noticed that all these things, these privileges have, let’s be honest, helped me with fighting my corner when troubles came along, and to fight the corner of my family.  It has also, as bit of a crock, meant my achieving top quality health care which has kept me alive to this age, some might say against the odds.  ‘Sharp elbowed middle class’ has helped to ensure I have always been looked after well by medical services and the fact that I am lucky enough to be fairly articulate has been the cream on the cake.  With new, and exciting (not!), medical possibilities constantly under consideration, I hope most sincerely this will continue!    

None of this means, however, that I’m special or even especially clever, it just means I’ve been incredibly lucky with the cards dealt to me, and believe it, I am most grateful.   I’m a fully paid-up member of DrugsRUs and they’ve kept me alive loads longer than I would have been without them.  They’ve also kept me alive when I would have died years ago had I been born and raised in the third world – how unfair it that?  With a bit more luck I’ll make the 68 years and 4 months which is the average age for men to die worldwide.  I have serious doubts, however, that I’ll manage the 79.2 years for men in the UK, 82.2 in France or even the 78.6 in the US.  One could, probably fairly, say that the way I have lived I don’t deserve to anyway!  Also, I’m not sure I want to.  We’ll see.  If I’m still enjoying life, bring it on!

One hopes, as a further age dividend, people will no longer say, “Oh, that’s not old” when they learn I am 68.  They mean well, I think, but they are, in fact, being incredibly patronising.  Managing to get old is partly due to genetics, party to location, partly due to luck but it is also partly due to being smart!  It’s actually something to be quietly proud of.  Being young in the western world is easy.  The young, however, are sadly not guaranteed any more time than that slice that they are experiencing now, plus that which they have lived.  A plague or war could start tomorrow. They – I did it also – in essence think there’s something clever about being young, whereas older people and old age generally are to be slightly pitied.  This is not the case!  Actually, oddly it’s the other way round.  There are Eeyore times occasionally when, indeed, I view younger people and consider the state of the world and feel pity for them.  I hope they have the time, good fortune and so forth to have the adventures and joys I have.  There sure as hell are no guarantees, however.  That’s why the Latin phrase, Carpe diem (Grasp the day) has always been so important to me, front and centre, and is written in a frame across from my bed so I see it every morning.

Actually, saying that, when I was young I did it also, the patronising the old thing, and I know that in some ways I still do.  If I see a bent, shuffling old person in their 80s, my first response is that I tend to feel sympathy for them, patronising them as I do so.  They may have creaky bodies and perhaps their cognition is slower but they could well be very happy and their slower cognition has 80 plus years of experience to draw from.  Also, they’ve had all those extra years that I haven’t, and if they’ve enjoyed them and feel they have been productive, then they’re winners in the lottery of life. 

I think it is probably generally true that as one gets older one feels that actually one is younger e.g I’m nearly 70 but feel I am in my 50s.  One does, of course, pay a price for the years, physically and some folk, tragically, mentally.  There’s also a higher chance of illnesses, wretched cancers of all sorts, heart attacks, strokes and so on.  Dull!  Increasingly medical science is improving though, and thus many of these ailments which would have been almost a certainty are now less likely to be a death sentence.  It’s true, though, that handstands, cartwheels, handball and rugby are things of the past, and I do get a little pissed off sometimes with ‘chronic pain’ and all the drugs but, so far, the trade-off in terms of years, joy in life, continued learning and experiences way, way outweigh the downside of one’s physical condition.

Getting older is natural, as is dying.  My personal belief has an eternal soul/consciousness, a most loving God / Mystery, the opportunity to meet up with family and friends, plus a variety of pets, when one dies, so something to look forward to, and then reincarnation.  These things are dead (little pun intended!) certs but I am concerned about how I’ll die.  Dementia terrifies me and I’ll do my best to ensure I have shuffled off before I have lost too many of my marbles, and a painful, lingering death has little appeal, having to be ‘brave’ and all that, but again, one has hopefully the option to leave ones’ creaky frame behind when staying in it is no longer worthwhile.

There are, as I referred to earlier, trade-offs and downsides in getting older but there are also positives, one of which, ironically, is time.  If one is lucky, retirement can be one reward for getting older, and if it is and one has sufficient provision to live ‘comfortably’, Lordy it’s a hell of a gift, being paid for doing nothing and having, day after day, freedom and choices.  I was fortunate in my career in that not only did I love it and have Monday as my favourite day but I also had school holidays of around 3 months a year in state schools and 4 months a year in private ones.  Of course I did do some work during the holidays, especially after I became a headmaster, but it was generally when I wanted to.  I was also fortunate in that some of my jobs paid me well enough to take time out, probably all in all around 6 years, generally in sections of between 6 months and 15. 

Retirement is an altogether different ballgame however.  If I’m lucky, years of time, each bloody day, to do with pretty much as I wish.  Slowing down and being creaky is a small price to pay for being paid for doing no ‘work’ ever again.  I still can’t quite get my head around it and it has been over 6 years now.  Sure, I have less money than I did when working (loads less!) and can therefore afford less ‘things’ but actually, when you get to my age you’ve pretty much got all the things you want  anyway.  I could have worked longer, made more money, bought more things.  Did I make a good choice when I chose less money and in return, total freedom to do pretty much anything I want for the rest of my life?  Too right I did, even, or especially, if I drop dead tomorrow! 

I think, also, with age I have changed and continue to do so.  I enjoy and wish for different things as I get older.  Obviously the older I get the more, ‘Been there, done that’ T shirts I have in my metaphorical closet.  In my case, certainly, it has given me the ‘space’ to spend more congenial and unstressed time with my wife, family and friends, our 10 cats, 3 dogs and 2 chickens plus loads for further study, learning, writing and for enjoying a property which totally suits me.  The fact that it essentially makes a quadrangle and is sort of inward looking fits very well with what real time allows me to do, looking within and exploring my consciousness.   The fact that it is placed far from any other house and is set within very beautiful countryside in a lovely little valley adds even more cream to a very acceptable cake.

I find it interesting to consider from time to time how the world has changed during one’s life.  Younger people’s lives will be subject to even greater change, and the development of quantum computers and AI are going to transform the world, I believe, very rapidly and beyond recognition, soon.  Though it is somewhat greedy, I hope to hang about long enough to at least be around for that, as I believe it will be hugely significant.  That said, in my life there has been a fair amount anyway!

I was born in 1951, so suddenly one looks back at what many consider to be history.  The King, George VI was on the throne and Clement Atlee was PM, with Sir Winston Churchill to take over from him after winning an election later in the year.   I lived in Ireland where my Papa had a car, a Morgan 3 wheeler and a motor bike, BSA Bantam 150 cc which had a top speed of 50 mph, but many people didn’t have any mechanical transport and rode horses, pony and trap and bicycles or used public transport.  The Land Rover was invented in the early 50s and the Mini at the end of them.  Back in 1952, less than 30% of distance travelled in Britain was by car, van or taxi, and even less in Ireland.  42% was by bus or coach, and 17% by train.  Generally these latter were steam trains.  (I used to love running to, and standing on, a bridge as a train was going under it and getting enveloped in steam/smoke.)  During my early childhood passenger aircraft were moving over from propeller to jet engines. 

We lived in a large, isolated house, generated our own electricity – many houses had none - had servants who were almost part of the family, and we all generally seemed to have a pretty idyllic life.  We had a wireless but no television.  The wireless used valves to function, as did TVs.  Most houses didn’t have a television.  There was one channel, BBC; ITV started broadcasting in 1955 and Telefís Éireann started broadcasting at the end of 1961.  Of course there were no home computers, computer games and so forth and the computers there were were large, filling a room and run with valves, wires etc.  Oddly enough, as a result we used to talk to each other at home!  Just imagine!  We also played games like chess, draughts, Monopoly (The Squire used to say he’d converted his hotels into bordellos and double the fees which somewhat enraged Mama who was much more focussed on winning.) cards, charades, hide and seek and so forth.  We did communal jigsaw puzzles and had singalongs and music sessions.  My sisters Carol and Lyndis used to harmonise beautifully when singing.  They didn’t that much when not!

On a less ‘homey’ front, in the 50s only the USA, the UK and the USSR had nuclear weapons, or more accurately, atomic weapons.  The US made its first much more powerful thermonuclear weapon in 1954.  France developed theirs in 1960, China later in the 60s and Pakistan and India in the 70s.  The UK spent 11.7 % of GDP in 1952 on military/defence and had a military force of over eight hundred thousand.  At present it’s around 2% and one hundred and fifty thousand personnel.  I grew up assuming the last sight I would see would be a mushroom cloud and I remember how the world held its breath during the Cuban missile crisis in 1962.  It was during term time and I was ‘away’ at school.  The Masters were somewhat grim but reassuring and we were kept even busier than usual and had two extra movie nights in the Great Hall.  The following year, once again when I was at school President Kennedy was assassinated, and although not as frightening, it also rocked us boys and, of course,the world.

In the world of medicine, in 1954, the kidney was the first human organ to be transplanted successfully. Liver, heart and pancreas transplants were successfully performed by the late 1960s, while lung and intestinal organ transplant procedures were begun in the 1980s.  In the 50s the chickenpox virus was isolated, a polio vaccine was rolled out and in the 60s a measles vaccine was developed and deaths from measles plummeted.  I remember, too, before I went away to prep school, children in the village school who had had tuberculosis, and it was no longer a killer, since antibiotics were used after the development  during the war of streptomycin. There were more children I recall with the circular trail of ringworm on their faces.  Polio was still a scourge, especially for children.  Even in 1961 in the UK there were 707 acute cases and 79 children died.  I was lucky and was vaccinated as soon as one became available in 1950s. 

Lots of people had no washing machine or fridge, microwave etc.  In my house there had been people who did chores like the washing, cooking and so forth.  I remember getting my fingers stuck in the mangle when a maid was drying the washing.  She then panicked and turned the handle the wrong way, crushing my fingers further.  Eventually she got it right and I went howling to my mother who looked at my fingers – they were okay – and told me to learn the lesson and not be so foolish in future.  She was not unloving, just practical. 

On one occasion a local boy in the village we had moved to in Cumberland – I remember his name – used to attack me with a stick, a sort of shepherds crook.  He thought it great to bully the ‘posh’ kid from the big house that had electricity – once again we generated our own.  This went on for some time, so much so that most of the village knew about it.  My dear Mama believed that this was an issue I should be able to sort out myself. She took me out to the courtyard and came at me with a broom handle.  She taught me that if I moved in swiftly and grabbed the stick, it would only hit me once, if at all, and as I got it I should kick out hard.  She taught me that this technique could be used to end the attack and take possession of the stick.  I actually went out to find the boy who, on seeing me smiled and went at me with the stick.  The technique worked and I chased him up the village until I caught him going over a 5 bar gate.  I used the stick to whack his arse several times then threw it down by him and went home.  Oh what joy was mine!  Various folk congratulated me and I never had that problem again.

Anyway, I ramble, as usual, and can’t write an autobiography here.  Really, I’m just trying to paint a life that was in different times; life was different then, that’s what I’m saying.  Also, the war still hung over us.  There were still shortages and just about every adult had been touched by the war one way or another.  (As a related aside, did you know that though people go on about the ‘War Spirit’ when everybody pulled together, there were many more murders, with bodies generally being dumped in buildings which had been bombed out, in the hope that it would be assumed that it was the bombs which killed them?  No?  I thought not!) Even when I went away to school our comics had cartoon strips of soldiers fighting the Nazis or the Japanese and books like ‘Biggles’ in which he was an ace first WW1 fighter pilot fighting the brutal Hun were common and widely read.  It all meant that the war touched my generation also.

Although as little kids we didn’t know it, society was deeply racist and sexist.  In the wonderful ‘Famous Five’ books from Enid Blyton, books which turned on millions of children to reading, the roles were pretty much boys did certain things and were bold, where girls were not, though people forget that ‘George’ was a girl who acted like a boy.  In the ‘Swallows and Amazons’ delightful series, girls also bucked the sexist norm, so there were some folk who were eroding the old ‘rules’.  There can be no doubt, however, that being a woman was still in many ways seen as ‘inferior’ to being a man.  In well over 50 countries women didn’t even have a vote!

In Dr Doolittle stories which were in many ways wonderful, black people were still stereotyped in extraordinary ways, there were books also about ‘Little Black Sambo’  and jobs or rentals could often say, ‘Blacks or Irish need not apply’.  In my school there were no children of any other ethnicity.  There are, thank God/ess many now. 

So, since I was born 68 wonderful years ago, things have changed, and whatever people tell you, generally speaking for the better, though there is much still to do.  Good luck with that, youngsters!  Focus and believe in yourselves.  If something isn’t fair, try to make it so, whatever the person’s gender, faith, ethnicity, sexual orientation or difference from you and what you’re used to, and look in the same way at your fellow creatures on this planet.  Animals too know fear and pain, so why not resolve to be kind to all living things, except Michael Gove, of course, and cockroaches.  Oh, and don’t patronise old people, eh!








Saturday, 16 February 2019


Temporal Paradox Incursion from Second Parallel

He looked around, carefully.  He was in the correct area,
A most familiar little glade with trees snug around him.
This is where he had proposed to her on one knee,
And now she lay dead with countless millions of others.

He shook the wretched thought wearily from his mind
As slowly he rose from the seat and pushed the door open,
Having carefully reset the controls for 2P temporal lab.  
Sadly he most assuredly wouldn’t be needing it again.
There was a little hum, a slight crackling and it was gone.
There could be no turning back now. But there never
Could have been.  This was his last, best and only shot.

Chance, it smelled absolutely, gorgeously fresh and familiar!
He looked up between the trees at the stars, checking the time.
He was just at the very edge of a new day a-dawning,
And he knew from the smell that he had the right year.
What an exquisitely beautiful planet he had almost destroyed.

Just as at home, there was a little track made by animals,
He knew not why, which wound its way out of the copse
And took him, meandering, to the high end of the long dale
From where he could see the house they had built.

Including the smell, all seemed exactly as it used to be
Back at home, in so distant, so close Second Parallel,
Only here in Prime Parallel, he hadn’t yet dropped the flask;
Here there was no fetid smell of death filling the air;
Here there weren’t too many putrid corpses to bury,
Here he could correct the situation where in Second Parallel
He could not, because he could not be in two places at once.
Obviously.   Here he could save them and, please Goddess,
Wind back time at home in 2P, undo the horrific destruction.
Maybe even another him would appear!  But maybe not,
And anyway, whoever he was it wouldn’t be him.  Not really.

Thoughtfully he made his way down the valley to the house,
So familiar, their much loved house, but not their house.
As he walked determinedly towards it he wondered yet again
If it would hurt, or would it be instant?  He hoped the latter.
The next phase of his soul’s journey filled him with interest
And anticipation, though he had not expected it this soon!
Pain though was a real concern.  He didn’t enjoy pain one bit,
Wasn’t good at handling it.  It made him intensely, wildly angry
And perhaps he’d let go.  And what then, he wondered wryly? 
Could it possibly be a job half done?  Schrodinger’s cat!
Somehow this seemed totally and preposterously improbable,
And pondering on it took him up the path, to the front door,
With a final, melancholy peregrination; nobody lives forever.

The doorbell was different, he noticed, surprised, green.
If he had timed this right – and there was no reason
To think he had not other than unavoidable trepidation –
His darling wife would be far away visiting the dragon,
His much esteemed, bearded and batty mother-in-law!
So as an early riser it would be he who answered the door.

He pressed the bell and waited, trembling slightly
With expectation.  After what seemed an interminable delay
He answered the door.  He had a ludicrous moustache!
He looked incredibly startled as well he should be!
There was nothing for it now but to get it over with.
He rapidly stepped forward and reached out to hold him.
In an instant there was a great crack of thunder
A smell of ozone in the air, and both were gone. 
The Universe allows no temporal paradox.





Thursday, 7 February 2019


The Fallen Angel

He stood atop the Tall Tower, set high as it was upon the hill,
Its immense, black, obsidian walls reflecting both heat and light,
And gazed he down dispassionately, watching the city burn.
His face displayed no sentiment, no care, he took no pleasure,
There was no longer any pain; all was as it should be; optimal.

A pair of white doves glided tranquilly across his field of vision
And as he saw them it was then that his expression changed,
And he grimaced somewhat, appreciating then the grim irony.

Steady streams of loud-wailing, broken, humiliated humanity
Wound their sluggish way from the outskirts, a virus fleeing
The cleansing flame, a few rich in vehicles but most on foot,
Their heads bowed.  In their hubris some had chosen to remain,
Unbelieving.  Now they believed.  Very soon they would die.

Since it was that she had died, all others were now immaterial.
She with her love had humanised him. When it was they took 
Her, they took his love and his humanity. All he had left was
A plan and a cold space where his new-found heart used to lie.

Smoke rose lazily, occluding the sun.  He had considered it best 
To select the height of the summer to minimise their suffering,
Not that he cared, but she would have, and still she touched him.

When he had fallen it was his good chance she had found him,
Like a pathetic, broken-winged bird, leaning heavily by a wall 
In a dank, dark alley, disorientated and fighting waves of pain.
Unexpectedly his mind turned inward, to the light of her smile,
Her soft and loving eyes, and he realised then that he had never
Asked her why she was there, and now he would never know.

She had held him up, taken him into her life, into her home,
Into her very soul, her warmth and love slowly mending him,
Both in mind and body, her reward his love, her pleasures
Many but greatest on that day, that glorious day, when he had
Outstretched his wings, feeling once more their certain power,
And in the moonlight had flown high above the glittering city,
With her slight and precious body held most firm against him,
Tight in his arms, her soft cheek against his, her most beautiful, 
Most kissable lips, smiling in overwhelming wonder and joy.

He had not known at first what a dire and dread risk she took,
Taking him in, giving him shelter, giving him life and love. 
She was already an outsider, an oddity to those, her neighbours,
A loner, whispered about, who did not even attend the Temple;
An outsider of odd outsider parents who had long since died,
In a strange, extraordinary and unbelievably unlucky accident,
And of a certainty un-mourned by any but her and her brother
Who had left shortly thereafter bidding her to travel with him,
But she deeply treasured their home and could not countenance
The sad thought of living elsewhere, for she wore it as a coat,
Felt it around her, supporting her, her steadfast and only friend
Until she had found him, took him in and offered him succour,
Rescuing him, for that short, wondrous, exquisite time of love,
From himself and his sad destiny, his vast power to destroy.

Suddenly he leaned forward momentarily, somewhat perplexed,
Noting that in the heart of the city there was a block, the temple,
Seemingly spared, oddly untouched by the raging conflagration. 
He chided himself mildly for his carelessness.  This must not be.
Then he raised his hand carefully and grew there a ball of flame
Which languidly but with precision he flicked toward the block,
Watching as the fireball grew, air crackling wildly in its path,
And arriving, wrapped itself in a tight embrace round the target.

He studied it intently for a moment and then, quietly satisfied
As it was engulfed, returned his gaze to the lines of refugees,
A horde snaking their way slowly into the peaceful countryside
And then to who knew where?  The Badlands must be crossed 
First, with all their unfortunate mutant denizens who they had
Considered it a sacred duty, in which they took sickening joy,
To hunt down and put to death, burning at the stake those they 
Captured alive to purify, they righteously claimed, their souls.

He told himself he did not care as to the city’s inhabitant’s fate.
In respect to her memory he had not directly slain any of them. 
He had warned them most clearly, even in his mighty wrath,
Wanting not to displease her unreachable but unquenchable 
Essence, her soul, her glorious self, she whom he adored, but
It had been difficult, oh so very difficult.  He had truly craved
So much to watch them burn, to watch them writhe and scream, 
To revel, to bathe his entire being, to lose himself completely in 
Their prolonged agony as they went up like countless candles,
Their self-satisfied layers of fat feeding the cleansing flames.

Their minds, if such they had, were full of putrid puss, anointed
As they considered themselves to be, by some deviant God,
A Master Race, superior to all whose skin was not white, or
Had mutated after what they chose to call the Great Cleansing.

Neighbours, so it must have been, had seen him by chance,
His ebony black skin anathema to them, his black wings an 
Abomination, but they had not the courage to confront him,
No, it was her they stole away, when he was on the wing,
Building up his strength for whatever the future held for them,
For she had taught him how to love life, and how to dream.

When he had returned he found her, or what was left of her,
Tied to a cruel, metal stake, with the fire which had taken her
Still burning, though its dark purpose had long been realised.
He walked to her partly crisped body, careless of the flames,
And broke the chains which bound her, lifting her remains 
Tenderly, instantly leaping aloft with her, taking flight with her,
She, his love, who had taken so much joy, on one last journey. 
He flew to a place on the mountains that she had most favoured,
A snow-capped summit surrounded by a friar’s fringe of trees.

There he sat weeping, sobbing, gasping for air for many hours,
Perhaps, indeed, many days, nights – he knew nor cared not -
Her poor, burnt and assaulted corpse firm but gentle in his arms,
His newly found heart having now to embrace the ice and snow,
For he knew not where to put the searing pain, the tearing teeth
Slicing his heart, threatening to drive him mad.  Perhaps it had!
He wanted to roar, to scream, to find those who had done this,
And make them suffer in equal measure; to totally destroy them
And tear their blood soaked city apart with his bare hands,
To destroy, indeed, the entire world and all this horrific spawn.

But as the hours – days? - passed and his heart grew colder -
The only way he could survive the constant waves of despair -
His mind slowly, inexorably bore down, crushing his emotions
And left him with memories he could not touch, that he had to 
Close in a mental room with a mighty oak door, precious jewels 
To seek out and enjoy sometime, or perhaps no time, and most 
Certainly not now, so they were set so deep in his mind and his 
Heart he could survive, function, live on, without real thought
Or, most critical, feeling, an automaton set with one purpose.

He had gathered himself and focused; her body he took to an
Infernal pit, left after the wild war these creatures so celebrated,
And there watched her, and his heart, fall into the fiery embrace.
It was done; he felt nothing and so could not understand at all
Why it was that he did so unaccountably, so copiously weep.

Then it was with his immense power he created the Tall Tower,
And within its safe walls placed the house she had so loved,
And the folk from the city, in their vast and vaunting conceit,
Swaggered their way up the hill.  Nonplussed were they when
He came forth from the entrance and faced them, unafraid,
A reviled, black creature, spreading his wings for all to see,
And as was their foul habit with those they took to be mutant,
They all made swiftly the sign of the Holy One’s eye and spat.

His face was of neutral mien as unperturbedly he used his voice,
A voice that carried like the final trump they all aspired to hear,
And he saw the look of fear touch the eyes of some.  Apparently 
They did not wish to hear, at least not now, but hear they all did, 
For the voice gave them no choice, and the majority laughed 
Somewhat when he told them he would destroy utterly the city, 
And when, and then most careful like, why, so it was clearly 
Understood, and silent it was that they left, though unbelieving.

Even so, as the time, it approached, they became quite lively,
Increasingly dedicated to being rid of him and his Tall Tower.
At first the assaults were most simple, an unruly mob with guns,
But with time they became much more focused, single-minded,
And, it pleased him, in an odd, distant sort of way, to consider,
More than a little desperate, until at the last it was that they had 
Utilised one of the dread radiation-tongued, raging armaments 
Which, as all else they had hurled at him and the Tall Tower, he 
Watched approach and explode inoffensively, causing harm not 
To him or his aberrant stronghold.  Then it was that the people 
Piled their treasures together and commenced their departure.

As he watched the last of the recalcitrants leave, or die in the 
Flames –it had been their choice - he noted that the folk from 
The Badlands had joined together, now no longer the hunted
But a band of hunters, with countless years of scores to settle.
It was an unconsidered bonus, as he watched the Master Race
Caught between the inferno and the mutant horde. It did not 
Please him, however, nothing did. It was as it should be.  Amen!

He nodded then, coldly, acknowledging to himself a task tidily 
And competently completed, and then brought he down his 
Mighty wings and soared into the smoke-laden air.  He circled 
The city, to ensure all was destroyed and then it was, satisfied 
Spun he and flew to where her body had been taken by the fire,
And opened he then the oak door in his mind and heart and took 
Hold of the jewels, his heart once more beating, as jubilantly he 
Dived into the welcoming flames to find her or kindly oblivion.
















Saturday, 12 January 2019


Memories Of Tomorrow

When the sun warms her face,
As his hands would wish to warm it,
As it kisses her lips softly,
As he would wish to kiss them,
And she walks, silent down the cobbled streets,
By buildings which have stood the test of time,
By roofs that lean and windows not square,
By towers improbable, and the most curious of beasts,
Past exquisite fountains of tinkling cascades of crystal,
And the most gentle of folk of striking aspect,
Then all about her seems hushed so as to not
Disturb her dreams, thinking then of his love,
Of Him.  He had been there, he will be there,
He is there with her, part of him wrapped
In the deep crimson warmth of her heart,
As she dreams her memories of tomorrow.

Long and long ago it was that they had first loved,
Against all the laws of wild, sweet chance,
And then it was they had instant-like laid their hearts
Side by side, entwined, touching, together as one,
No matter the distance separating the spheres,
Or the fleet-footed dance of the years.

Where the silver light of the Moon,
Touches, most gentle the paints of God’s palette,
The soft, innocent blues, pinks and reds
Of the rarest and most beauteous of sunsets,
And a rainbow, inflamed with colour,
Seeps into the languidly coming night,
There, at that time, in those exact circumstances
A portal opens, a weak point in space time,
And it was through that portal he had slipped,
All unbeknown to him, but not to her, no, not her.

She sat, all unseen, morphed within her mighty oak,
Sharing; reading its news and its heart,
The song of the forest caressing her mind,
The simple innocence of the creatures
Dwelling therein softly touching her core
As she and they and the trees
Breathed they all in harmony.

She waited and watched,
Then, in silence, tensing
As she saw the portal open
And an alien and frightening
Desert vista assailed her eyes. 
It was as she had been spun in mystic accounts
Unfolded to her at the day’s conclusion by her mother,
The same tales she spun and unfolded for her children now.
She had not, until this moment, believed them,
And then by extraordinary chance
They were there and he appeared!

Tall he was, head bent forward a little as he walked,
His mind lost still within the pages of a book,
And then gradually he came to a standstill,
As he felt the presence of fresh, sparkling air,
The sounds of the breathing forest gestalt;
And the fragrance of uncountable blossoms seized him,
Their scents competing to seduce his sensibilities. 

His eyes, unwilling still, dragged he from the pages,
Held as they were by the unseen glue of fascination,
And lust for learning, and fell straight upon
Such a world as he had never conceived possible!
So changed, extraordinary and beautiful was it,
Filled with a wild riot of living things,
And shapes that were creations of wild visions,
With colour and harmonies of sound and space,
Those only conceived when his mind had danced
Across the truth of it all, ultimate perception
With God/ess-breathing hallucinogenics and
Both space and form showed their blends
At the interstices of what was possible
And what required the touch of the God/ess.

He nearly toppled as overloaded his senses
Tried to comprehend the fantastical world,
And glorious place, in which he found himself. 
Never before had he experienced his birth planet
Gaia, pour forth thus her pure and clear exaltation! 
Whirled he around and saw that he stood
At the termination of a long boulevard,
Delineated by ancient, marching oaks
Which reached out into the forest
In which he so oddly found himself.

He knew he should be alarmed, at the least of it,
But the realm which he had somehow entered
Was so near to that which knew his heart
Was the way it ought be,
He felt that he had arrived at the last,
At that place where he was always meant to be.

He squinted slightly along the boulevard,
And in the shimmering sunlight
Saw he such buildings and constructions
As defied the laws of physics as he knew them.
Towers there were with half their height spindly,
Crooked like a magician’s old hat;
Others which, gravity defying,
Carved an elegant arc,
Through ignorance of physical laws,
Turning back upon themselves,
And yet more which spirals drew;
And each with twinkling eyes,
A thousand crystal, coruscating windows
Kaleidoscopes of colour shouting out  
Their absurd and unreasonable beauty.

He stood, his eyes captive of the vision
But of a sudden whirled at a sound behind him
And thus it was saw her for the first time,
As she morphed from within the heart of her oak,
Returning to her elfin form.

Small she was, of most tidy proportions,
Somehow neat, just the way she should be.
Her eyes were both questioning and dancing.
Dark they were.  He was never to decide
Over all the countless, wondrous years of her presence,
And the three quarters-empty years of her absence,
Whether they were brown as the bark of her oak,
Black hole black, attracting all toward them,
Or green, that green of an endless, roiling sea? 

Her skin, golden it was, a lot lighter than his,
And though when on occasion she would ask of him
What it was she wore when they first met,
And he replied, obedient-like she wore a fitted,
Trailing dress of greenest forest velvet,
It was her face, always her face, which he saw
Or he ached for, the dancing eyes, yes, and
The smile which that first day and always thereafter
Was enough to light the full dark of night,
And the lips which always it was
That he felt the need to kiss.

She closed the space between them and,
All natural-like, took his arm as if
This was the most commonplace event and meeting
In the world, gently turned him
And stepped out, seeming to flow above the soft grass.
Her presence beside him,
Their relative heights,
The slight press of her body against his
As they strolled, gentle-like, down the boulevard
Seemed to him just as it should be
Was, had been and would be,
And he didn’t understand,
Did not want at that time to understand,
Just wanted this to be, always.

As they walked on, companionably,
She spoke; her voice the sound of a joyful star,
The mystery of the wind
Talking to the trees on a moonlit night,
The depth of the wild and rolling sea,
And the whispering secrets of the deep universe,
And he understood not what she said,
And at first it didn’t matter,
Lost as he was in the beauty of the music of her words,
Her lips, her eyes, her smile and again her lips.
Then stopped she and looked at him,
And it was all he could do not to fall into her eyes,
And spoke she slowly, a question he surmised,
From the gently questing intonation
And mien on her entrancing face.

He forced his mind to more purposeful activity.
Somehow knew he he recognised some of the words,
Or thought perhaps it was so but was uncertain.
Then the sensible thing he did,
Pointing to himself and giving his name.
Similarly she gave hers and thus he learned
The word that was from that day unto forever
The one which was to dwell,
Through the good years and the bad,
At the very centre of his soul;
The sound that touched his last waking thought,
His dreams, and his first breath when rousing
And he whispered it unto the dawning light.

They progressed thus, slow and contented,
Naming this and that, repeating each the other,
Sometimes with success, sometimes mangled,
Followed by easy laughter,
And sudden it was he realised what it was he recognised,
And his mind all wild-like flew back to his boyhood,
And he felt a rueful desire that he had more attention paid
To his cloak-flapping, mortar-boarded, kindly
But more than a little uninspiring Latin Master!

He dredged his mind for memories shrouded now in time,
And increasing impatient he was with his inadequacy,
But she whose name was forever to be music gentled him,
Making a fine and friendly game of word hunting
In the dusty, spider-webbed nooks and crannies of his mind.

Thus their most comfortable amble passed easy,
With the pair oft taken with companionable laughter.
Difficult he found it at times to think, however,
Of words not spoken for it seemed a lifetime,
So taken was he by his circumstances and company.

And soon it was, far too soon thought he,
The pair arrived at the edge of the settlement,
With its buildings that most improbable were,
Being built with great granite blocks which should not bend
As they did, making shapes that delighted and confused.
They were neatly set by cobbled streets,
And obvious it was they had seen much in passing time,
Cobbles shiny with the soles of the feet of years,
Great oaken beams settled within their granite homes,
Sleeping now in their twilight time,
At peace with the granite,
Marriages of many and many a year.

Folk they met aplenty,
All beautiful in their distinctive way,
Though not a touch upon his companion.
All were known to her, it appeared,
And though they startled were by his presence,
Their best they did to give formal greeting, “Salve”,
And not stare, though his great height,
Night-black skin and attire
Obvious were in marking him out as alien.

Gentle-like she navigated him through the busy folk,
Their beasts, so many he had never seen the like of
Except in books of fiction, here made fact,
And the occasional vehicle which whispered along,
Platforms upon which folk sat casual-like or placed freight,
And hovered above the ground,
Propelled by he knew not what.

There was so very much to look at, his eyes darting
This way and that, always returning to she
Who already held him in her thrall,
For reassurance or help in understanding.
A relief it was from the visual bombardment
And cacophony of a language he little understood
Being all about him, when she led him through
A gentle arch into a courtyard where seats of stone
Were scattered in an apparently random fashion
Around a small pool in which a fountain played.

Random was the thought which took his mind
Back to his now seeming distant childhood,
Back to the piazzas in his mock Italian home,
With their jingle jangle fountains,
Only with those the water
Downward flowed, not as here.
And recalled he all those originals
His parents had shown him in pictures
And had copied from sentimentality;
Both originals and copies,
Smashed, long since,
Now, as with all his land,
His adopted land,
His family and friends,
Naught now but melted memories,
Totally and utterly destroyed.

Two children emerged from the dwelling
Which bounded the piazza;
One older but both younglings.
(He was to later discover that neither yet
Had their gender chosen and,
As was the way of her folk,
That was not a decision taken lightly
And so at puberty was accorded.)
Obvious it was that these were of her making, 
And sudden it was that a pain reached deep within,
A poniard sliding effortlessly into his heart,
Of her making and another’s!
Absurd he knew his jealousy to be,
For that he knew it was,
Though he was not of such a nature.
Swift however his attention returned,
And he smiled and saluted, “Salve”, with
The slight bow he noted these folk gave.
They, he further noted,
His second learning of elven etiquette,
Lower bowed with their greeting,
And then both looked questioning-like
At she who, most obvious, their mother was.

She ushered them all within,
To a room most spacious and light;
Furnishings, ornaments and pictures,
All of extraordinary beauty were. 
Waved she then at a seat, a lounger of sorts,
And then disappeared she into an adjoining room. 
The children, now apprised of
His appearance in their midst
Pressed him as children do
To see, he thought, if he was really just stupid,
Because he spoke the tongue so little
That they with ease spoke?
The elder, it appeared,
Quick was to decide that
He was, in truth, a simpleton,
Bowed and off elsewhere went.
The younger, however, fascinated seemed,
And thus started a long relationship of teacher and student.
Active, the youngling was, in enjoying the superiority,
But gentle and caring was in helping him to learn,
With patience, and mother’s easy and gentle laughter,
Taking from him any sense of foolishness at his ignorance,
And it was thus that he relearned quick and easy-like
That which had been so badly battered into him
All those long years ago.

She who already held his heart returned shortly,
A platter in her hands, plates, knives and cloths
Piled neat-like, surrounded by breads, cheeses
And an assortment there of fruits, some new to him,
And as she called her eldest, put the platter at a table
And all washed their hands in the bowl their available.
Sudden it was that he realised how hungry he was.
He looked at her, and again it was hard to take care
Lest his emotions, inappropriate as they were,
Did not linger upon his face for her or the children to see.
In her eyes, it was, he thought perhaps he saw something,
But clamped he down upon that thought as her lips,
Her exquisite lips, uttered soft the command, “Manducant!”

Thus it was that they shared their first meal together,
The first, though neither knew it, of oh so many to come,
In pleasure and in pain, light and darkness both.
…………………………………………………………………..
And so it was he remained thus,
For obvious it was that he no other option had,
And commenced he dwelling in
One of the commune’s welcoming guest houses.
Days into weeks and months rolled;
His language became first adequate,
And then fair fluent was,
Much due to her younger child’s
Persistence and patience,
And his deep, driving desire
To be able to share discourse with her
Whom he accepted loved he with a passion
That burned within, brighter than any star. 
And as the planet turned its round
His love for her burned ever more fiercely within,
And he saw, too, that she excuses found
To be with him whenever it was possible
And a flame of hope joined
The inferno of flames within.

Her partner was, found he to his great displeasure,
Both kindly and thoughtful.  He hardworking was,
An excellent father and husband in his way,
Well respected by those about him as he daily
Conjured fine and complex charms
To bend both granite and oak
To the mind, will and imaginings of his employers.

In himself he found also a talent lay,
One of which ere now
He had nothing known of,
And one, gloriously, he shared with her,
Thanking whatever Gods or Ancestors
Of influence there may be unseen at his side
Who helped in bringing it about thus! 

He a mender was.
Started he by chance, in truth,
When a chair he sat upon
Commenced to collapse beneath him,
And his mind twisted, grasped it somehow,
And it returned to that form for which it was designed.
From thence forward, when the folk heard of his gift,
Oft it was they brought things to him,
Things both obvious
And mysterious in their function or form
And his mind reached into them,
Feeling for their essence,
Grasped and twisted and each one returned as new.

Later it was he mended a foal,
Its mother distressed,
Its horn broken at its forehead.
He came upon them thus as alone he walked
Through the forest thinking on she whom he adored,
Aching for the sight of her, for her company. 
No thought had he of fixing the little creature,
But took he, instinctive, the damaged horn is his hand,
Moved it to the young foal’s head,
His mind touching it, whispering
Words and phrases that came to him
As easy and unthought-of as air to his lungs,
And the horn that had shattered was whole,
Shining sharp and fine in the blessed sunlight,
A pride for any little foal,
And its mother leant forward upon one knee,
Her horn gentle upon his forehead,
And the lightening ran through his body,
Fierce and joyous, it was,
And as stood she, he knew her,
Knew she had gifted him her sacred name,
A name which if uttered, be it ever so quiet,
Would call her to his side, instantaneous-like.

From that time forward
Happily made he his bread restoring things,
Creatures and elven folk, young and old,
And happiness was his in work in every way,
For there could be little that was more satisfying,
Than to serve those with whom he shared the world,
And in doing so, to give them joy.

Life was good,
Deep down inside good,
Purposeful, rewarding and right;
And great joy was his
When together they were,
Some-when for but moments,
Wonderful, intense, bright shards of life,
In the midst of a scorching star of instants
That lay protected for eternity within his deep soul,
With glorious, marvels of times extended,
Times within and outside of time.
And she filled his dreams by both night and day;
He burned for her, his heart an aching knot
When she was not there,
Unless it was he did not
In work immerse himself.

Life, it steady was, however,
Under some kind of control,
A sort of desperate happiness
Which made him both skip with joy
And want to howl mad-like at the Moon.
And each day and much of the night
Was filled with unvoiced hopes,
Hopeless hopes … and then one day
As worked they together,
Mending a mechanism
Most arcane and complex,
Their hands touched
And they did not move,
The Sun did not move,
Nothing moved,
The World turned not …
And he kissed her!
…………………………………………………………..
Time passed, as it is fair bound so to do,
And they knew their love,
Acknowledged it fully,
And more and more together were,
And all the time in each other’s thoughts and hearts;
And so it was that others noted their love,
For both were deep changed by it,
And at times they despairing were
Because of the pain to others it gave.
But their feelings burned within
And drew them on an inexorable path.

And took she him to her oak
And showed how he too could morph
Within it, and it welcomed him without judgement,
For in its long wisdom it saw the light of love
And knew its purity and control,
For it understood destiny,
Had talked of it, in a slow deliberate way, as trees do,
And absorbed the knowledge, experience and wisdom
Of the forest entire.  And it taught him of
Inevitability, and the futility of guilt,
And so it upon them placed its blessing.

And then it was that one night she came to him,
Her partner and children elsewhere
Until the coming of noon on the morrow,
An infinity of time it seemed to them both,
Until, all too soon, infinity expired.

And when it was that she lifted from her body
All her clothing, he could not breathe,
Overwhelmed-he by her sheer perfection of form.
He was not some naïve, untutored or inexperienced
In loving and beauty in its many forms,
But different this was, utterly and extraordinarily,
In no ways similar to aught in his experience;
Her perfection and his feelings of awe
Made him wish to shout out his bliss,
Weep his joyous wonder,
Pour a river of loving words into her,
As his heart thundered within his chest,
Fit to break free and to her fly,
And he had to force himself to exhale.

By instinct it was, that he opened his arms
And she came, and filled she them to perfection,
And her body fit against him so easy-like
As though it had always been thus and always would be,
And at first their passion took them,
And as they joined together, wildly he laughed,
And she nonplussed was, momentary-like
And then she joined him,
For it was indeed a wild and astonishing thing
That they fit together so perfect-like,
And then their passion and the waiting,
Commanded their bodies onwards to ecstasy;
And hasty, frantic they were at first,
Wild and frenzied as they crashed together,
And soon it was they cried out,
A marvellous harmony of climax,
A rolling, crashing climax,
Setting them both ashuddering, twitching
Uncontrollably and holding each other
With a sort of desperation which made no sense
But was the answer to everything
In that moment of endless time
Outside of time.

And through the night they learned of each other,
Their hands and lips giving and taking pleasure;
They explored their bodies and made love.
Quiet and gentle they were, lusting and satiated;
Talking between times of a future they sought
But knew within was possible
Only as a maybe, and that maybe only
At the end of a painful journey;
And they would hold each other,
Forcing from their minds all else but
This room, this bed, this now.
And dozed they, at times,
And then he or she would reach
With lips and hands,
Into the other’s slumber and soon
Awake they would once again
Come together, and oft times come together,
And if not, then come with shared joy.

And soon it was that the unwelcome dawn,
Insensitive-like forced its way upon them.
At first it was that he his eyes closed,
Tight like a child, wishing away the light,
Reaching with his mind to extinguish
That one by his bed which had illuminated
Their exploration, passion, loving, exhaustion
And the tender words, all indelibly writ upon their hearts;
Then it was that he looked at her sleeping by his side,
Of a sudden thankful for the light of the day,
That he may see her, natural-like,
Her mouth slight-open, her hair across her face;
And listened he to her breathing,
And each breath blew as a gentle breeze,
Across the oceans within his heart,
But of a sudden he was in a state akin to terror,
His heart feeling crushed within him,
His old night and daymare flooding through him,
That just as he had arrived to this sphere by chance,
Chance might return him to his own!

As chance had it, it was then she opened her eyes
And saw she the terror and knew it well
For it had often-times been hers also,
And she reached out and drew him to her,
And quietly, deep in their love,
Their hearts full and fearful, together they wept.
…………………………………………………………………
As had to be,
Written, some might say, in the stars,
No longer could they bear to be apart;
The pain was as though a limb had been lost,
And so they together came, living in his home;
The younglings their mother accompanied,
For such was their desire,
Especial-like, the younger, his tutor of old
For whom, if he were honest, he had the greater love,
Though he would have killed for either,
Were it necessary so to do,
Or his life lay down for them,
For they were part of her,
And each had part of that
Which he loved in her,
Growing within them,
And it was deep within his heart,
The need to nurture that, to watch it grow. 

The opprobrium was not universal,
But her parents, they it difficult found,
And her partner of old,
The father of her two beloved younglings,
He his best did to make life problematic,
Serpent-whispering half-truths and salacious lies
In the ears of all who would, prurient, listen,
And thus soon it was they established
Who their real friends were,
But nought was there could dampen
The fierce, burning joy of their love,
And their wild lust for each other;
And so it was that as the younglings
Took themselves off each morn for academy
They instant ran, laughing,
Tearing off their clothes
And throwing themselves into a
Glorious and frenzied union,
Generally in their battered bed -
Oft times in need of repair as the days flew by -
But not infrequently on the stairs,
On the kitchen floor,
Or leaning over, in and above
Various pieces of the more robust furniture,
It being off-putting in the extreme,
Having to pause their thrustings and lungings
To reach into some object to mend it
As it betrayed them and attempted to collapse!

Such was not always the way their bodies loved.
Oft times it would most gentle and considerate be,
The culmination of slow touches,
Teasing tongues and fingers,
Massage or slow, tempting encroachments,
Taking the slow road,
But whatever the speed,
Ending in a desperate need
And absolute commitment to mutual satiation.

And oft it was they lay, companionable-like,
Touching, this way or that,
Talking of the events of the day,
The concerns for the younglings
And all that it is that lovers discuss;
Or sit they would, close and comfortable,
The younglings abed, a good fire filling the hearth,
Telling each of their own worlds,
The different laws of physics, most remarkable
Operating successful-like in each;
Shared they happenings of the days past,
Childhoods so different as to be
The stuff of storybooks,
Truths which no longer were;
And explored they their future hopes,
For themselves, the younglings, the world,
And too they beauty discussed,
Art and music, philosophy and
The vast enigma that was life and the God/ess.

And as the days and the nights
Took their natural course,
Their happiness did nought but grow;
As the time it passed,
So did much of their need to speak
Of aught but the most complex of things,
For as with their hearts, their minds became
Enmeshed in each other,
But for him he with words struggled
To try to her explain the depths of his awe,
Which retained he from that first moment
When he had turned and seen her.
It in no way had diminished,
Indeed, with every passing day
He in the glory of her company spent,
It grew; for always there was mystery,
Always a beauty which still
Made him catch his breath
At unexpected moments,
And there was too the labyrinth of her mind
Which each day more complex grew
As he learned more of her,
Her thoughts, abilities, skills,
Her love, empathy, compassion,
And the way it obliged him,
Happily, to goodness!

Such was the joy that filled their world
That with each passing day the lurking terror receded,
And he forgot the circumstances which brought him
To this wondrous place, to her and a life of glory,
And one evening it was that they chose to stroll
And make communion with her beloved oak,
And there it was that the silver light of the Moon,
Touched, most gentle the paints of God’s palette,
The soft, innocent blues, pinks and reds
Of the rarest and most beauteous of sunsets,
And a rainbow, inflamed with colour,
Seeped into the languidly coming night,
There, at that time, in those exact circumstances
A portal opened again, a weak point in space time,
And there it was he lost hold of her soft hand,
And found himself back in his sphere,
And his heart almost stopped with horror and fear,
And turned he and dived back, but too late,
The spheres touched no more,
And his head went back
And long and loud howled he out
His tortured soul, his stupidity, his loss.
………………………………………………………………..
Naught had changed in this his home realm,
No time had passed
And all was the sorry mess
It increasingly had become.
His friends thought him quite mad
When he sold all that was his and
Disappeared back to that place in the desert
Where the spheres would at times touch,
And bought he that worthless and most precious land
And built he a cabin of logs,
And each eve he watched to see if the Moon
The sky, the colours and the hand of God/ess
Would align for him,
That he may return.
By day he wrote of his memories,
And at all times that journal kept to hand,
So that he might tell her of his experiences,
His thoughts, longings and love,
For he had to believe reunited they would be
For to keep himself at least half sane.

And on winter nights when the desert
Cold and chill, biting, scratching wind
Reached into his aching soul,
And there was no moon in the sky,
Then it was he would take his hover
To the nearby, dying little town,
There to buy he supplies and sit he
Long and lonely in a bar he felt
Some sense of belonging in,
And as time passed, folk curious were,
And insensitive to his misery and loss,
Sat they and broke through
The pain of loneliness and grief
He wore around him
Like a blanket, a shroud
And they would talk.

And as the days turned their course,
Weeks turning to months,
Started he to listen and discuss,
And when they asked what it was
That oft he would be seen writing in his book
And he told them a story, a love story,
And then they left that thread alone,
For most, as was normal in his world,
Considered it a thing most dangerous
For it gave unto others,
A key, leverage that against them
Could later be used.

But learned one friend and he,
By chance as in her realm,
That he was a mender;
It came about thus:
One eve as joined he was
By a man he now knew well,
A good enough man who
Lonely was also, and filled with loss,
Dropped an old fob watch on the table where they sat.
His father’s it had been and his grandfather’s
It had been before him,
And precious to him it was,
Though it functioned not,
Had not for many a year.
He picked it up, curious, looked upon it
And instinctive-like reached into it with his mind
And twisted it the way he did,
Returning it now in perfect working order.
His companion on discovering this delighted was.
He thought nought other than a lucky fall had
Shaken it in such a way as to correct its fault,
But as homeward he wended his weary way,
Of a sudden he took it from his pocket,
And again looked upon it
And saw what he had not full noted firstly,
That the cracked glass was most perfect now!

And so it was from thence forth
Carried he with him each night,
As to the bar he made his normal sojourn,
A small, deftly decorated, thimble which
He had long since given to his now dead wife
And had repaired with glue when it dropped was,
And pleased he was with his repair but irritated he
That a small chip remained.
His wife happy was and said she that the chip
Barely discernible was but he knew,
And saw it first, each time he picked it up,
Which he, himself, knew was somewhat stupid
Like poking a tooth that pain delivered,
Whenever you poked it.

And one dark night
When no moon was in the sky
And rode he to the bar,
The thimble to him was passed.
He looked at, admiring,
As he thought he was expected to,
The fine workmanship. 
Noticed he, too, the crack and chip,
And mended he them to perfection,
Then noting he the touch of triumph
Upon the benign face opposite,
Knew what had just taken place
And handed it back with a bleak smile,
Which with his dark mood,
Was in accord.

His night previous
Had been filled with horrors,
Dreams of loss and pain,
And his day was likewise.
He had noted the calendar and calculated
How long it had been since his arms had held her,
Since his lips had caught that place upon her neck
Which made her gasp and press hard against him,
And his body ached as he had shaved,
Trying to believe, but
Seeing now the grey in his stubble.

So as the thimble he returned,
Knowing of the trick upon him played,
To his new friend he him informed
That he was Italian,
Born he of Italian parents
Who late had left after the first bombing,
Then they to England fleeing,
As luck would have it.
He had true lucky been,
Or they had had foresight,
For when it too was eaten
By the vast mushrooms,
He with his friends was residing,
Here in Brazil,
And here he remained,
A misplaced Italian mutant.

He fortunate or instinctive-wise was
In the person he chose to share his story with,
For he was not of the ‘witch’ hunting tendency,
Knowing too, that a mutant mender
Could easy a mutant breaker be,
And thus the ignorant fear
Which motivated their hunters,
And so it was the friendship grew.

And luck had intervened, or chance
Or some such unmeasurable,
For his friend made his bread in a repair shop,
And oft it was in these times of shortages,
Quite simple objects were impossible to mend,
And so it was the surreptitious-like
He took these objects to the desert
Where repairs were exchanged for
The necessities of life,
And so he continued
To exist.

But … his desperate longing
Was turning to grieving,
As time greyed his hair,
Wore at his muscles,
His back began to bend,
And hopelessness
Increasingly darkened his soul.
And he conscious was of his absolute need
To try to fight that darkness
Which offered surcease for his
Near all-consuming pain
And sense of hopelessness.
And hid he from himself
His revolver which had he
To fright away those creatures of the desert
Who would wish his food store to plunder,
For over fond he had become
Of playing Russian roulette,
And half hoping for its peace.
.
……………………………………………………………….

Then it was as sat he one summer night,
Poking with little enthusiasm at his meal al fresco,
Taking note of moon and the sinking sun,
His mind returned to the long lost past,
And recalled he the little foal
Whose horn he had mended,
Wondering how it had grown?
And he dug into his memory
For the mare’s name,
And as it came to him
So spoke he it out loud
With no thought
As to the consequence
And a crackling there was,
A smell of ozone,
And there she stood,
And upon her back
She who he had thought
Never to see again,
Though his heart had held true,
And slipped she down from the mare
And most fleet ran she to him
As he astonished stood from his chair,
And took her into his once strong arms,
And they embraced with desperation,
And he laughed and wept, an old man’s weeping,
Great, gasping sobs of joy, love, sorrow and loss
Whirling in his mind, heart and soul, uncontrollable they
Until she had held him long and tight
And then it was she stepped back a little
And looked she at his aged face,
With grey beard and sorrow lines marked
About his eyes, and her heart was fit to break,
For his suffering and his love,
Both were writ large,
And she his face took in her hands,
And kissed she most gentle-like
His eyes and his lips,
And smiled she then as she held him still
And told him she that he looked a mess,
Asking what in Chance he’d been doing with himself
And why it was he hadn’t sooner called?
And he stared, smitten afresh by her beauty,
Confused by the meaning of her words
And suddenly then she laughed,
And so glorious was it, so madly infectious,
He laughed in return,
And both cried and laughed they
With mad, desperate, wonderful joy.
And then asked she him if he was ready to come home?
…………………………………………………………………
He his preparations to leave made,
Leaving neat and ready those things
He mended had and a note for his friend
Explaining that he was at the last going home.
He left, too, keys to his chest which
In his secret cellar was for safe keeping;
Full of money and gold coin it was,
Near the total for his sale prior to his
Purchase of this desert place,
For rarely had he made use of the stuff
Except for the purchase of supplies
And in the bar, and oft it had been
That his friend he pressed upon him more
For all that he did in mending.

He moved as though in a dream,
And with near every step he glanced across
To see if she was still by his side,
And so she was, for she said with some force
That she never was going to lose him again,
As he took far too long in coming back!
And then it was that he had finished
All the small tasks he needs must do
And turned he to her and asked he what next?

And spake she then a name, most quiet,
And again there was the crackling noise,
And before him stood another unicorn,
This larger by far than she who had brought
Back to him the one he loved more than life itself,
And bowed he to the beautiful beast,
And the beast the bow returned,
But lower went and then touched its horn
Gentle upon his forehead.
And lightning ran through his body,
Fierce and joyous it was,
And with it came the gift of years,
As the little foal now grown large
Gave him his most sincere thanks;
And he felt his back straighten
And looking at his hands he saw
The lines and colour of age roll away,
And his youthful vigour returned,
Running through him like a benevolent fire,
And he stretched and throwing aside etiquette
Threw his arms about its neck
And poured all the power of his mending
Into it in return, that it may live
A long, healthy and happy life.

And so it was that he leapt upon its broad back, easy-like
As his most beloved did likewise with the mare at his side,
And his eyes fell again upon her face
And his heart felt it would burst with joy.
She stared at him, likewise, and honoured
And humbled was he by the look of love she returned,
And then the air crackled once more
And they returned to that place
Where they had first met
In front of her oak -
Except it was not quite that place,
For that place was taken by a dense thicket
Of thorns and stink plants,
For as she told him,
Had he returned he would have done so
To scratches and foul smells, but no worse,
But he would never again stray there, accidental-like!

And he breathed deep the pure, crystal-clear air,
Thanked with his heart entire his steed, turned
And taking his love’s soft hand, looked once more
Upon the settlement which his home had been,
And he had missed as he had died and died again
A death of a thousand cuts as he had unceasingly
Yearned with entire being for his only love;
And once again she took him by the arm,
Most easy, familiar and companionable-like
And strolled they down the boulevard,
Looking at each other all the while,
Their hands tight clasped together.

At the last they arrived at the house,
Which so familiar and welcoming was,
And walked they into the shaded courtyard
Which he had with his own hands built,
And there by the fountain
A beautiful young woman sat,
And his heart threatened once more
To fly from his body,
As looked he back and forth
From her to she who must her mother be,
And then stood the young woman,
As his true love took his hand and nodded,
And the lass bowed, smiled her mother’s smile
And spoke.  “Salve Pater.  Grata donum”*.


*Hello Father.  Welcome home.